ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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