This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Why are your pants in the freezer?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
