guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize