***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh god it's open bar.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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