Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
