don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
