How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
