hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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