Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
never play flip cup with pint glasses
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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