Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
