She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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