Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
