I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
