Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
