Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize