i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
