Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
