Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize