Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
