tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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