So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
