i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
