ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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