I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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