Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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