In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
