I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
