Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
