I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
