He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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