she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
