Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
