A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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