There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just found puke in my bra..
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
