How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
