We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
