I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
