You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
