She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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