could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
