Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
