Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
