Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
