I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
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