Is it because I queefed?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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