The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
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