lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
