remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
