if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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