Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
