puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
