i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize