fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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