The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
