covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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