Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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