your thong is hanging out like whoa
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
