As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
