morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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