im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
