I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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