proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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