Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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