so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm both gender and math confused
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
