Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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