So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
