i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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