I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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