it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
